The mystical magnetism of April Fool’s Day had staff member Jordan Jackson so enthralled that he was inspired to write three prank news stories yesterday. A FFXIII demo would be welcomed, Mother 3 on Wiiware would rock our socks off, and Kingdom Hearts 3 information…well…that’d be nice, but I shudder to think of the fanboy tirades that would follow the announcement of Wii exclusivity. Of course, none of these stories are true.
April Fool’s Day is a great time for us to all stop and realize that we shouldn’t take things so seriously. I hope you all had a great AFD, and stay tuned for all the real news and reviews we have in store for you!
Square Enix confirmed that the Final Fantasy XIII playable demo that some of the Japanese versions of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete will be coming to North America when it ships on April 16. Unlike Japan, there will only be a single SKU for the movie, so all copies will include the demo.
At a press event in Tokyo, Kingdom Hearts lead producer Tetsuya Nomura finally announced Kingdom Hearts III. Though the first two numbered entries were on the PlayStation 2, the third entry is moving to the Wii. Nomura explained:
With the success of the Wii, we thought it would be a better fit for Kingdom Hearts III. I am also very excited to use some of the motion controls for battles, especially for bosses. I think it will be very exciting and fun.
Details on the plot are scarce, but Nomura said that Riku and King Mickey would be taking center stage. Sora will show up, but he will not be the lead character. More details were promised for E3 in June, but unfortunately, there will not be a playable demo.
Fear not, good readers of RandomNPC. JC Denton and ourselves have regained control from the nefariousness of Mr. Boske, Mr. Page, and Mr. Simons, and rest assured they are being… taken care of. The servers of RandomNPC are now secure at Area 51, and hopefully this will never happen again.
To commemorate this occasion, no longer will April 1 be known as a day of jokes, frivolity, and rickrolling, but as a day when *insert ID4 speech*.
In summary: Gotcha!
It has come to my attention that a rogue piece of software is being proliferated with the intent to undermine the efforts of the United Nations Anti-Terrorist Coalition (UNATCO) and FEMA agents across the country, if not the world. This software, codenamed “Deus Ex,” contains the standard terrorist propaganda bullet points, depicting the United States government as terrorists and UNATCO peacekeepers as an occupying army. It claims to be a work of fiction, and takes the form of what could fairly be called a training simulator, thus posing a more signifcant threat than typical terrorist propaganda efforts. And so, I have decided to address this latest meme directly. Continue reading ‘Know Your Enemy: Deus Ex’ »
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to write this review of Page Industry’s latest and greatest piece of Virtual Entertainment: Deus Ex. But first, a few bookkeeping operations: Production of vaccine for the Grey Death has exceeded all expectations. Pay no attention to the rumors of hijacked shipments. It is merely terrorists trying to scare people. They’ll get theirs, believe you me.
Continue reading ‘Deus Ex: A Review’ »
For years I have bided my time, watching as a titan amongst games slowly faded from the pages of history; criminally subdued and doomed to obscurity in the face of flash-in-the-pan shooters and imbecilic role-playing games. Today one could point to this former behemoth, only to be met with confusion – “What was that?” the children will ask, “What was that?”
And yet, from the shadows, I knew the truth, as did many others. For every whisper of the game’s name, someone else who knew of its greatness was reminded to reinstall it. Its very dialogue has become code, its many quotes an identifying phrase as secretive as the societies upon which its epic story rests. Though contemporary titles struggle mightily to bury its existence, they can only stand in awe of its legacy.
And so it is that I infiltrated local gaming communities, testing, probing, searching for the right opportunity to plant my feet and alter the course of this unending stream of mediocrity. Working from within, I subtly guided the mechanics of this site, coercing and twisting as necessary, and at long last shall my plan come to fruition.
Let none doubt from this day forward that RandomNPC shall thus be dedicated to the reigning champion of games, the masterpiece to end all masterpieces, and the pinnacle of human civilization. Yes, greater than sliced bread, the cotton gin, and porn on the internet.
From this day forward, let us rejoice in our own God by Machine.
All hail Deus Ex!