RandomNPC – Video Game RPG Reviews, Editorials, and Features

Hello me good smilin’ friends! Bit of a dry spell this week as everybody catches up with their work, but fret not. Content is on the way! In the meantime, let’s have a looksee into the current gaming appetites of our fine people here, shall we?

Don’t give me that look. If you don’t want to, just say so. We’re not going to force you until I finish saying this sentence. BAG ‘EM!

…okay, I stole that from Futurama. Sue me, it’s clever.

Our fearless leader Derek “Roku” Cavin finds himself short a working monitor at the moment, so the specifics of his latest exploits lay open to imagination. I’m sure he’s busy leading our army of rocketmen to the moon so he can colonize it in the name of a (currently) tiny gaming website that intends to one day become its own nation-state, but at last report he’s up to his neck in Growlanser V.

Michael “SlayerGhaleon” Kozinko is rumored to be at the last month of Persona 3. In anime terms, this refers to near the end of the season when everything gets all dark before the hero kills the bad guy and restores the status quo, whereupon he is rewarded by being comically beat to death by the female lead. Oh, uh, there was something about finishing the Legend of Zelda: Late to the Party. (The acronym fits, don’t judge me.)

Speaking of Zelda, Jerry “XeroZohar” Swain had Phantom Hourglass down for the count, but lost on a technicality after getting sucked into a Portal. We’re not sure where he is now, though I’m guessing it involves cake in some fashion. This random collection of Alpha-Bits letters assures me his next destination is Half-Life 2.

Our ever-hardworking Cortney “Alethea” Stone grinds away at her Eternal Sonata review, sanding and polishing it until it is textual perfection. Ironically, from the sound of it, it shall describe digital mediocrity. Can’t win ’em all, I guess. Word is she’s got her sights on Radiata Stories next. And by “Word is” I mean “She’s telling me right this second”.

Michael “CactuarJoe” Beckett busies himself with the redux of Final Fantasy Tactics, and he says he’s up to the battle at Orbonne Monastery. No word yet on how he’s faring or how he finds the game, though survey says he “had a good feeling!” (37). We can only hope that he made better sense of this scene than we all did.

The legendary Jason “Ishmael” Schreier was last seen puttering around the office arranging matches. As in, stick matches. Don’t ask. But he has been clocking in a lot of Phantom Hourglass and Neverwinter Nights II, so perhaps some Metroid Prime 3 is in order. And by “perhaps”, of course, I mean “he says he’s going to play next”. In hindsight I’m not sure where the “is in order” fits in after that substitution, but I’m afraid my backspace key is broken I can’t fix problems.

Gah, there should’ve been a ‘so’ before the ‘I can’t fxi prob… awwww! Okay, nuts to this.

As for me, I’m still hard at work S.T.A.L.K.E.R.ing, like the crazy Russophile that I am. Portal looms overhead threatening to gobble me whole and pull me away from my next intended review, whatever that might be. The .Hack//GU games get some attention on the side, but I get the feeling the three of them are jealous and plan to kill my Steam account while I’m asleep. Madness on all fronts, I tells ya.

Gather ’round us as we apologize for last week’s dearth of content with some fresh new reviews this week. Drop us a comment, join us in chat, it’s all good.

(Note: My backspace key is not actually broken. Roku’s monitor, however, is indeed less than functional. Gambatte, Roku!)